Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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