Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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