I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
