dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
