You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
