I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
