Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
