it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
