i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She even gives head with a lisp.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize