FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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