Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize