i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
