my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
