Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
