I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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