You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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