My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
