pop tarts are not kleenex
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
