It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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