I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
