Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
