Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My ass is underappreciated
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize