Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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