I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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