The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
