i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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