Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
