Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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