This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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