the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
