I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
