this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
