let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I look better un-naked...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
