508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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