i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
