Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
