how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
