i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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