Kareoke will never be a sober sport
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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