She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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