She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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