sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
