Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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