so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
