look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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