I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
