I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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