guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
