Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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