thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
