Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
