"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize