I met the friendliest cop last night
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
