I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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