So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize