If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
