I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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