Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
