You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
