there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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