these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
