Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize