I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
