I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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