She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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