I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
