literally had 100 drinks last night.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
