i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
