i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
