haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
